I have a stamp given to me by a dear friend and mentor that declares “I am more than what you see”. I loved it immediately because it seemed to speak to the fact that there is so much more than what people may see when first meeting me. An introvert by nature, I am truthfully more comfortable on my own than in a large group. Meeting a posse of acquaintances for Happy Hour or attending one of those mix and mingle open house type parties filled with 3 friends and 50 people I’ve never met before are my own personal versions of….oh…I don’t know, maybe having a root canal….on my birthday! Because of this, I think I sometimes seem shy or withdrawn, or (yikes) boring. The truth is that all that small talk makes me a little exhausted and I need to return to my nest for comfy clothes television watching…….preferably alone. Ahhhh! However, sitting for hours over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with one or two close friends…..well now THAT’S bliss! If you’re up for getting together to sit and share our inner most thoughts, dreams, heartbreaks and triumphs, well then I am your girl! I have easily spent 6 hours straight at Panera sipping coffee with a friend. I consider myself to be generally happy and friendly. I am quick to smile. It takes a lot to make me angry. I’m not grumpy……well….unless I’m confronted with people who clearly do not know how to drive…..seriously, it seems as if some people picked up their licenses at Walgreen’s, along with some gum and a soda! I really do enjoy people though. Let me clarify….I enjoy them one at a time…..not so much in giant groups that usually transform me into that one girl at the prom, without a date, trying to be invisible over there behind the refreshment table.
Anyway, I have been using my new stamp everywhere. I’ve been stamping up art journal pages like crazy. I’m declaring to all who peruse my creations that “I am more than what you see!” I’ve been making colorful, swirly, giant flowers and beautiful backgrounds for it. I think my intent was to convey that I am a bold, colorful, swirly, fun kinda gal even though I may appear withdrawn in certain situations. I also wanted to hint at the presence of depth and emotion under all the swirly flowery fun. Hence, the “more than what you see.” Wow, really so much more to me….I’m flippin awesome! You really do want to get to know me now, right??
As I was creating this page with its giant heart and swirly fun lines and shapes and beautiful bright colors, something very disturbing happened. My inner critic (who is a giant soul sucking, annoying bag of $#*@) started to whisper…who are you trying to fool? You’re not flowery and happy and beautiful…..You are fat and afraid and lonely and uneducated and lazy and worthless. She really is an ass. I couldn’t seem to make her shut up and before I knew it, I was filling the veins of the giant swirly beautiful heart with those hideous cruel whispers. Guess what happened? Even with all the ugliness ripping and winding its way through the loveliness of the heart….that colorful, swirly, beautiful heart was not ruined.
The truth is that it is incredibly easy to say we are more than what the world sees in us and mean that we are more interesting, more fun, more attractive, more…..perfect! It is not so easy to acknowledge, much less let anyone see, the parts of us that are profoundly hurting and messy and broken and ugly.
Do you have unspeakable pain and your own perceived imperfections and failures woven into your heart? Does your inner critic torture you like a relentless bully? It doesn’t matter what your critic whispers to you when it tries to convince you that you are anything less than your beautiful, brave, colorful, resilient self. Your heart is perfect just the way it is. I am discovering that we all have beauty and pain and joy and heartbreak and shame and redemption and vibrant color and maybe even oppressive darkness…..all woven together in our own unique hearts. Yes, I AM more than what you see….and YOU are more than what the world sees.
Debbie says
My dad was fond of two expressions that he used to emphatically agree with something or someone (and to be 100% honest, he was often agreeing with himself, but that’s another story….) Anyway, his favorite lines were: “You got that right” (you have to imagine a little bit of a country boy twang) and “Damn straight!” When I read this post, I said both of my dad’s affirmation of truth out loud, one after the other, without thinking. So there you have it. Gotta be true!!! 😉